This Sunday sees the 90th Academy Awards taking place in Los Angeles. And while the actors and actresses provide us mere Mamas with so many moments of joy and wonder in their day to day lives, by general standards, I don’t imagine they’re dealing with the same everyday parenting shizzle as we do!
So I got to thinking if Mama’s gave Oscars what would they be for and what categories would you be nominated in? I’m pretty sure we’d all be out of our seats accepting these awards in no time!
The Mama Oscars;
1.The Mama Award for ‘Answering the most difficult questions simultaneously all whilst driving a car’ goes to…
- School Run Mama – for ‘where does the Incredible Hulk live?’ and ‘when you’re in sixth form do you need to wear a PE kit?’
2. The Mama Award for ‘Managing to hold your ground over a demands for a post school snack goes to …
- Mama on a Wing and a Prayer – for compromising down from a chocolate mint club to a packet of pom-bears.
3. The Mama Award for remembering to pick up some last minute vital household item goes to…
- Just Surviving Mama – for remembering to go to ASDA for a family packet of Rice Krispies for the Small who ‘doesn’t like any of the other cereals’ between leaving work and just before making it to school pick up.
4. The Mama Award for carrying the most items not belonging to her goes to…
- Paddling like a Swan Mama – for carrying a school bag, two PE kits, one pair of wellies, several pieces of ‘art work’, a packed lunch box and three water bottles from the car all in one go.
5. The Mama Award for solving a bedtime routine gone wrong goes to…
- Winging It Mama – for making a 7pm FaceTime call to her husband who’s working away to try and get him to talk her through how the baby- night-time clock works, as it’s on the ‘scary face moon not the nice face moon’ and the toddler will not be sleeping until that’s resolved!
6. And the Mama Award for keeping her cool on the morning school run despite adversity goes to…
- Is It Time for Wine Yet Mama – for abandoning drying her hair to mop up a half pint of milk spilled all over the breakfast table, all the children and all the cereal boxes and still making the school run in time!
Red Carpet Action
I’m pretty sure the Mama Oscars would have a red carpet stained with PlayDoh, small fragments of crisps and the odd spilled half finished cup of cold tea. The dress code would be less cocktail, more staple grey slogan sweat paired with jeans and there’d be a whole lot of sleeping going on at the ceremony as everyone knows a Mama NEVER gets to sit down for more than fifteen minutes in one go with her eyes open!
Oh, and instead of giving out Oscars it would definitely be bottles of Gin! Much more useful! Now back to the escapism of the REAL thing and swooning over those dresses and the thought of dancing till dawn. #MamaLifeIsNoClelebLife #ButWeHaveLovelySmallsSoYouKnow
Watching the Real Oscars
Here’s all you need to know about watching the Oscars this year, but the main thing is you’ll probably just check out the dresses on Twitter the next morning – as no Mama can stay up till midnight – which is when the coverage starts in the UK!